THE ROLE OF CARE PROFESSIONALS

 

Professionals, whatever their specialty, can be people who save us or, on the contrary, people who plunge us into our status as victims and into the fact that we relive violence.

 

I have wandered all my life, I am over 30 years old and in 30 years believe me I have seen pros! Whether they are doctors, midwife, physiotherapist, dentist, social worker, gynecologist, psychiatrist or psychologist, occupational doctor, teachers ...

 

Not once, not once, one of them asked me if I had been abused or if I had been abused.

 

It was only 3 years ago that I finally found a psychologist who finally saw and heard me… A whole life of suffering, a whole life where I was the ideal prey, identifiable by all predators. Thanks to this wonderful psychologist, I finally get out of this vicious circle and I finally start to learn to defend myself, protect myself, respect myself and make myself respected.

 

During my childhood, in the sectarian Catholic community in which I was born and I grew up, the State itself was an accomplice as well as the Catholic Church. It was a "new" community welcoming people in difficulty: tramps, former prisoners, drug addicts, people leaving psychiatric hospitals, migrants ... and the people who welcomed them were priests, consecrated sisters, singles and families with children. .

 

We were encouraged and supported by the French state since the social services sent us people they did not know what to do, the social workers came to our house, we had the right to use the food bank to feed us ...

 

And the Catholic Church had given its agreement for us to have the "holy sacrament" in our chapels and it also provided us with our places of life, we lived in ancient places of Church which she no longer used because it was too old or too expensive to maintain.

 

These social workers who came could have investigated, they saw the dilapidated buildings, very small, I lived in large premises with holes in the walls of my room, my mother used to plug them with tissue… We had sanitary facilities in common with everyone, we did the dishes in the same sinks where we washed, where there were toilets common to all. The daily toilet consisted of a bucket of water and a washcloth, if we had to go to the toilet overnight, it was in a bucket that was then emptied in the morning in the shared toilet, we could take a bath once a week on Sunday and the whole family washed in the same water one after the other.

 

No one questioned whether it was suitable for families to live in these conditions ...

 

We did not have separate apartments at the beginning, our rooms were like cells of monks, one next to the other, the doors opening onto a large corridor. The doors were not locked, anyone could enter during the night or the day.

 

We all ate together, lived in the middle and with very damaged or even dangerous people…

 

The adults had a lot of prayer time in a chapel far from our rooms, we were left alone during these times with almost no supervision except for a round from time to time…

 

We were hardly raised by our parents since they had to work during the day for the community, we were looked after by sisters, all the children together. No one has ever said there is a problem, it's weird!

 

I was educated in teacher training colleges, never a teacher said anything. We were taken by sisters or monks or priests in large vans, we could not miss us !!! The cross, the consecrated clothes, a van full of kids ... not to mention our dress since we did not have the money to buy clothes and we dress with donations from people. During all my childhood, neither a report nor an investigation was made! At school, not a single teacher, not a principal, asked himself any questions.

 

We often moved, not a doctor or a professor wondered why.

 

We were going to see doctors, these doctors could see in consultation the people also welcomed, not a doctor said it is strange that so many people live in the same place… Small, we were often very sick, bronchitis, severe ear infections (my sister lost hearing in one ear)… We were so cold in winter! No doctor was worried about knowing under what conditions we lived ... No dentist ... And yet we were all going to see the same doctors and pros ...

 

The social workers and the State sent us people in difficulty, and yet none of the adult referents in our structure were trained to welcome and help this kind of people.

 

The referent and responsible adults who were involved in this community were also all people who broke off from society, with themselves pathologies and psychological problems.

 

The general discourse in this community was God save and protect, no need for shrinks, an hour in the chapel will cure much better, we had THE truth, THE solution to all ills and society was wrong.

 

My father, I think, was paranoid, he was never encouraged to go to a shrink ... He regularly threatened to kill himself, saying that he was not loved, not respected ... My mother and we children suffered verbal and physical violence on his part, he had already lost custody of his children from a first marriage, no one nor his family, nor the justice was concerned about it…

 

As a teenager, one of my teachers raped me, I saw on the internet that other victims spoke, but the school administration covered and protected this teacher.

 

At 15, I was in serious academic difficulty, I redoubled my class, I was withdrawn from my school and sent to another region of France, separated from my parents, the one who signed my school results was the guru of this sect, not a teacher of my high school wondered why I did not live with my parents and who was this adult who took care of me…

 

This guru made me come to his house, installed me not far from his apartments and came to rape me at night.

 

When society blames the victims for not having spoken earlier, it makes me scream!

 

But what more could I do ??? Were there not enough ENOUGH signs ??? Oh yes you wanted to take a flagrant offense… He would have had to rape me in the street in front of witnesses…

 

And to speak… how do you want me to have enough confidence, once large enough to put words on what they did to me, when ALL the adults and pros around, since my earliest childhood, did not want to ask questions and let it go ...

 

And I had tried to speak many times before and the result had been that those to whom I had spoken had become my rapists ... My father and a priest and this teacher.

 

We lived in very large houses that could accommodate a hundred people, with a lot of rooms, no adult has ever wondered why the guru rented accommodation outside (officially to work without being disturbed on his books and lectures) , homes where he took me to rape me in peace ...

 

The guru received all the members of the community for an interview in his "office" in which he had a bed. The guru had in each house his matrimonial room with his wife and another room always far away where he had another bed to "sleep peacefully and rest when he was working on his books and lectures".

 

No adult has told himself that it was strange, when we had many rooms, that he received everyone in his room…

 

This man was neither a priest nor a spiritual companion and yet he received each adult and many children in "confession".

 

During these interviews, I had to reveal everything to him, my dreams, my most intimate thoughts, my peaches ... And he raped me. If he called you for an interview, you did not have the right to refuse and it was an honor, a privilege ... This was the example that all adults gave me from an early age.

 

As an adult, I saw gynecologists, midwives, had children, and had several miscarriages. Not one of these people helped or questioned me.

 

The pregnancy of my second daughter went very badly, I was bleeding profusely, the doctor who followed me at the time diagnosed me with a somatic disease saying that I was fooling around and that this bleeding was due to my mind…

 

During one of my miscarriages, the doctors accused me of having induced an abortion because I had come to the emergency room with clay on my stomach. My baby's heart had stopped a few days before and the gynecologist had given me pills that would cause the expulsion.

 

After leaving my husband, I saw a dozen psychiatrists, I was told "all little girls dream of becoming pregnant with their rapist", "it is important that you recognize your responsibility in what happened to you, you must say it out loud to be able to get better and heal "," you must not speak to your family and those around you will harm them and harm the families of the people you want to report "," as long as 'he does not build you, stay with him "...

 

The psychiatrists I saw were Freudian or Lacanian by training, I had to speak during the whole session, punctuated only by "yes", "mmmh", "and?" ... Then a little spitch at the end m enjoining to reflect on my responsibility, the place of my will in what had happened to me… They had no knowledge of the treatment of traumatized people.

 

I came out of these sessions with the desire to kill myself. And yet I never stopped looking for a shrink able to help me, clinging on desperately, continuing to go to see destructive psychiatrists for 8 years.

 

As an adult, I was married to the son of the gurus, the son of my main rapist. I became a victim of domestic violence.

 

My husband raped me, insulted me, disparaged me, mistreated me mentally and physically. Little by little, I lost all will, all identity. The sect guru had found a way to seal my word.

 

Just before he married my son, I tried to escape by falling in love with a young man welcomed into the sect, I had the hope of running away with him, the guru discovered and married me to her son. My mind at that moment exploded.

 

During 9 years of life with my husband, I was nothing more than a rag, an empty shell. I was cut off from my family, my friends, and all outside contacts.

 

Then a click took place and I left my husband. I knew deep down that if I didn't go, somehow they were going to kill me.

 

I hadn't prepared anything, I didn't know what I was going to face when I left it. I was lucky to find a job, to have my license, so I had a certain form of independence and security.

 

My husband and his family harassed me to a point that you can't imagine for me to come back.

 

I fled with my two children during two years of immense galleys. I lived in a caravan with my daughters, practically destitute.

 

I chained the jobs in which I came across other forms of violence and harassment.

 

I attempted suicide. My ex husband kept following me, my ex beautiful family putting pressure on me.

I have had relationships with men who have continued to rape me and make me experience violence.

I saw social workers, my work colleagues… They tried to help me but did not realize what I was going through.

 

I started procedures to divorce. No judge protected and helped me. The court shrink did nothing to protect me or my children.

 

The lawyers I saw were very mistreatful, making a mockery of my file.

 

I have made representations to the Church so that it recognizes the nullity of my marriage. The hearings of several hours were a real ordeal and the official who auditioned me told me that "I was still not so bad because my husband was quite cute".

 

Currently I am trying to speak to all the professionals I will be seeing. My gynecologist when I told her about the rapes told me about chakras and offered to go see a shaman so that it reunites my soul, my doctor replied that the victims do not want to speak that it not his role of asking questions and that the proof was that when I told him what I had experienced I cried… My dentist after I told him offered me an appointment 6 months later ...

 

And I am not talking about the social organizations with which we must continually fight and send paper on paper for months to be able to be helped and supported!

 

Currently in France, the situation of victims of violence is catastrophic!

It is TIME for this to change!

 

ALL the pros must systematically ask their patients the question " are you a victim or have you been a victim of violence? ". Systematic screening must be done and help, appropriate care must be offered to victims.

 

The Freudian and Lacanian psychoanalytic theories which support the belief that a child is a polymorphous pervert and that he pushes the adult to rape must be banished from the learning of professionals whether they are teachers, doctors, psychiatrists, social workers, judges…

 

Financial aid must be brought to us to be able to live in decent conditions and in security, we must be protected from all forms of recurrence of violence by others and psychologically helped to rebuild us.

 

It is TIME that society fights with us and for us!

 

We are human beings and we deserve the right to return to life, the right to be respected, loved, helped, supported after all these years of suffering and mistreatment!

Society has a moral duty to help us repair the physical and mental suffering we have suffered. We have the right to be helped to understand that what we experienced was not normal, we have the right to understand that we are not things, dehumanized sexual objects that we can use. We have the right to learn that our body belongs to us, that we have the right to say no and to set limits and that if we do this our life will not be in danger. We have the right to be helped and supported financially and psychologically to face our traumatic memory which is similar to torture, to be accompanied to get out of our addictions if we have in the benevolence and empathy for never again be subjected to other forms of violence.

 

We deserve the right to be heard and believed by judges and justice and that everything is done so that our rapists are aware of what they have done and do not reoffend. We deserve that justice and society tell our rapists loud and clear that they did not have the right and that consequences for their abject acts are posed.

 

We deserve serious studies in neuroscience, psychology and statistics to be carried out on a national and global scale so that society becomes aware of the extent of violence, its impact and that serious and appropriate care is given to us. !

 

We deserve the right to recover the life that was stolen from us, a life without violence, a healthy and fulfilled life, a life in which our children will not in turn become victims because unable to defend ourselves, we will not bring them the balance and the healthy foundations they need busy as we are for day-to-day survival.

 

Doctor Muriel Salmona's website with a page dedicated to health professionals:

https://www.memoiretraumatique.org/que-faire-en-cas-de-violences/que-faire.html

 

https://www.memoiretraumatique.org/que-faire-en-cas-de-violences/prise-en-charge.html

 

A video from MIPROF (interministerial mission for the protection of women against violence and the fight against trafficking in human beings) on violence and the role of professionals in screening and assistance: