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Mails sent to my therapist:

Each therapist must set up his therapeutic framework with his patient, including the essential rules to be respected between the patient and the therapist.

 

I personally had the chance to be able to express myself by email with my therapist. We discussed together the good rules to put in place:

  • I can write to her when I feel the need, it helps me in difficult times at home, when I am alone. This has allowed me many times to calm anxiety and terror outside of the sessions. I was able to avoid hospitalization when I was really ill.

  • It also helps me to give him important information without this information encroaching on our time in sessions. Information concerning my financial or social situation, my procedures ... or the conflicts that I may experience on a daily basis with my ex-husband.

  • I know that she reads my emails regularly, if necessary we talk about them together during the session, but most of the time we don't talk about them.

  • My therapist is free to answer me or not and in almost all of the time, she does not answer except to inform me of the postponement of a session or to tell me a site or a book to read.

 

For a TDI person, this type of discussion is very beneficial:

  • Many of my parts have started to connect with my shrink through this.

  • Some of my parts were very violent verbally, angry, so I could let them express themselves without feeling shame or guilt. Subsequently these parties were able to channel themselves a little more and come to speak in therapy with less violence. I think for my shrink it was also easier to manage. This allowed him to step back and we could then discuss it in therapy without breaking the bond.

  • My parties wanting to express their distress, their desire for suicide can do it more easily through this without causing any conflict inside me.

  • It's also easier for me to approach my traumatic memories this way. Having to tell someone about the rapes suffered, bodily memories, feelings is very, very difficult and painful and causes a lot of shame. Being able to do this using my computer makes it easier.

  • It also helped me a lot in the inner exploration and listening to my different parts. I go a lot through this when parts are dissatisfied with the previous session or to give additional explanations by my "control" parts. This is how I started to be more vigilant internally to the triggers and to what made my parties feel confident so that they expressed themselves.

 

Examples of emails sent between June 6, 2018 and January 24, 2020:

 

You will find them in their entirety in the blog part of this site, you will be able to perceive there that different parts are expressed, that the perception of the reality of now is different according to the parts which write, to see concretely the aspects of my amnesia and its barriers between parts...

 

These writings are real exchanges by email with my therapist, they reflect my advances in therapy and the progressive cooperation between my parties and the trust that has been built up step by step with my therapist.

 

06/06/2018

Hello!

Something stuck in me.

I feel that parties refuse to trust you.

I can't understand why.

I thought that putting a piece of furniture between us would allow me to not see you as my ex stepmother, but that was not the case.

I feel defensive.

I would really like to move forward on this with you because I understand that this is one of the factors that prevents me from being in a good healing dynamic.

Have a good day

06/13/2018

When I was 14 when they told me that I was going to live with him, I operated on my favorite rabbit alive. I opened it without anesthesia. One of the women surprised me and saved him by stopping me.

I never took care of my rabbits anymore. I abandoned them.

I moved to his house. I was alone on a separate floor. My paternal grandmother died the first weekend just after I moved. He refused to let me go to the funeral saying that we did not have the money.

He came to my room at night. No one could hear me.

I was alone.

I feel like I'm in hell.

 

 

My body is shaking.

Understanding how to make those connections is so awful.

I understand why and how theoretically I could forget but a part of me doubts and says that I am crazy.

Everything has been so premeditated reflected with such intelligence of human psychology ... How can a madman be so intelligent Machiavellian?

Bring me in at 14. Settle above their apartment away from noise.

At that age I should have remembered, right?

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