On my sister's advice, I'm doing a little post about my cats. She tells me that the bond I have with them is special and talking about them could help other people with TDI to take the plunge and find little 4-legged therapists (feathers, hair, scales ... want ...) to help them in their daily life ...
I have two cats. Two wonderful companions. Two full members of my family.
Just like my mom, my sister and my shrink, they are an incredible support in my recovery and my well-being.
One is an apartment cat, when I was given it he had never been outside in his entire life.
The other is a stray cat that I took in that is starving to death.
What's funny is that sometimes I have the impression that they represent me, look like me, look like us inside.
My apartment cat is very cuddly, he likes his comfort, has never suffered from cold, abuse, hunger ... He reminds me of my PAN parts, my adult parts, mom.
My stray cat is very wild, he often has the face of a hostile and angry owl, always on his guard to observe from a distance. It reminds me of my angry parts or those who observe, who test, some injured PE.
When flashbacks came over me 3-4 years ago, my apartment cat was a huge help. It happened to me to be so bad, to vomit on the ground, not to be able to get up again, overwhelmed ... He then came very slowly and placed himself on my stomach or put his body all around my head and waited there for several hours purring softly. When I was better, he would leave. Even today, every time I'm not well, he feels like a radar. As I listened to the President's re-containment announcement, he got into my lap and called for hugs. It calmed me down.
Whenever I go through something difficult, in a few minutes it is there without me calling it. My cat is a therapist, he can sense my moods and he knows how to soothe me! He is incredible !
My stray cat reminds me of my own more hostile parts, those that need to be appeased, reassured, tamed, those that have suffered the most. It took several years for him to accept my caress, for him to come near me, to claim to play with me.
He is also a therapist for me. I saw his body change, thin and shaggy at first, the hairs in disarray, dirty ... Now he's very soft, a little ball of hair and tenderness. His gaze has changed, it has softened, he seeks to communicate. He comes when I eat and puts his little front paws on my legs and pats me, is his way of telling me give me something to eat, very gently ... Every night, he comes when I am lying down and sits a few inches away from my curled face and sleeps next to me. He doesn't really know how to meow, he utters tiny bird cries, almost ultrasound. Now he comes regularly to ask me for caresses, he jumps on my knees then plays at nibbling my fingers.
My stray cat found me. It's a bit of a magical story, well I like to believe it. I was in the street, I was going to my car and crossing the street to get there, he was there, in the middle of the street, motionless looking at me with his big eyes. I didn't really pay attention to it. I open my door and I see that a car is coming quite quickly in the street in our direction. The cat does not move. His eyes are begging me, he doesn't take his eyes off me. He is very small, tiny, you can only see his eyes. The car is approaching ... He doesn't move. In a split second, I grab him in my arms and pull him to safety. He's not moving. It is full of fleas, it smells bad and is very dirty. I decide to go home and feed him and wash him. He doesn't say anything, doesn't flinch when I pour the water on him. Then I take him to the vet to see if he belongs to anyone.
There, he turns into fury! The vet tells me that because of her size she is a few months old baby but he won't let her look at her teeth so we are not sure. In any case, it does not belong to anyone. I take him home, he calms down. A few days later I bring him back to the vet to have him vaccinated and identified and he lets her look at his mouth. It is an adult cat, 3 or 4 years old, so malnourished that it has kept an abnormally small size. I think the day he looked at me with his big eyes I was his last chance, he would probably be dead. I like to believe that we have saved each other, that we have found each other, two souls hurt by the harshness of life who have recognized each other.
What I also like is their independence, their freedom, the simplicity of their link to me. No oppression, if they don't want hugs, they say it very clearly ... Living with them allows me to reflect on the healthy distances to have in my relationships, I like to see it that way. We love each other, but that does not prevent us from spending several days without paying attention to one or the other and when we need it, everyone is present.
I have a special bond with my two cats. I love them and they love me.
And I believe that a bond like this for a person like me helps a lot in my healing! They are from my family.
They also have a special bond with my daughters, my apartment cat with my youngest who really likes to stroke him, play with him. My stray cat with my bigger one who is less demonstrative and a little more wild.
I think that the presence of an animal in my daily life allows me to stay inked in the here and now, it gives affection and love. When I stroke them, my small parts laugh and calm down. Feeling their body close to me when I sleep reassures me and makes me feel less alone. The loneliness of my apartment weighs less on me. I like to watch them chase and play. I love to watch them sleep in the sun by my windows. Their presence calms me down. I need them, they need me, we have a special and wonderful bond.
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