Dealing with triggers

Quotes from the book " Managing memories of traumatic origin " (Boon, Steele & Van der Hart, 2014):

"People with complex dissociative disorder are generally not emotionally stable, because they often suffer from reliving traumatic events , also called flashbacks or reactivations of traumatic memories.

In many cases, traumatic memories are reactivated by a "stimulus" ("trigger" ) in the present that is akin to a particular aspect of the initial traumatic event. Provoking in all its intensity the rise to the surface of the memory of this event. "

 

"People are born with a natural tendency to integrate experiences into a coherent life story. This means that we can remember important events that we have experienced in the past and that we are able to distinguish this past from the present.

However, it is not the same with traumatic memories . They are, in short, not memories, but reviviscences. The traumatic memory is lived as if the previous event happened here and now. "

 

Perhaps a trigger :

• Linked to time or place: a situation in the present (a particular date, a particular age of our children, a house, a city ...)

• Relational (a person, a social interaction, words…)

• Sensory: a perception (color, smell), an object

• Internal: an internal experience (a particular feeling or posture)

 

"Parts of your personality react automatically . Their reactions are rapid, fixed and often unconscious - reflexes over which you have no control and which sometimes seem to occur outside of you.

It is good to learn to recognize your triggers and become aware of your reactions. Then you will gradually change these conditioned reactions.

If you do not understand and accept inner experiences, they remain unpredictable and you will have little or no control over your reactions to these experiences.

You can't change something that you avoid . "

 

How to manage them ?

• Delete or avoid (films or books)

• Anticipate (imagine, discuss)

• Understand that there are different options

• Distinguish present and past

• Collaborate and support each other

 

The key word is to modify our experience into triggers of positive experiences, by discussing and collaborating internally, by experimenting with other experiences where the "end" will be different. We will thus be able to have different reaction options available to us and our actions will no longer be conditioned, we will have access to a reflection, a step back, an analysis of the situation much more suited to the present situation!

 

This is where our entourage plays a big role!

 

I have a lot of triggers.

 

Time-related triggers:

For example, I had a trigger linked to the age of my children which reminded me of the age I was when I suffered two particularly atrocious rapes. This trigger made me leave my ex-husband in an emergency, I understood nothing, analyzed nothing ... I just knew one thing: I had to flee with my daughters, as quickly as possible and as far as possible . So was my survival!

Parties or gatherings are a trigger for me because it was the moments when I was raped by the guru of the sect in which I grew up. Making music or singing, dancing .. is a trigger because during these parties, I had to do it within this community and was a "privilege" granted as a reward by my rapist after his rapes.

 

Location-related triggers:

Going out in the forest, going to the beach, going to the cinema, entering a church ... all linked to rapes that took place in these places or that took place just before or just after going there.

 

Relational triggers:

My social relationships, certain sentences, someone's anger ... can make me "switch".

 

Sensory triggers:

A person who touches me or gets too close, a look, a facial expression, certain smells, food, the smell of a handkerchief ...

 

Internal triggers:

Lying in a certain position, cowering on myself, being in a shower and feeling the water flowing over me, having my period and seeing the blood flowing between my legs ... Feeling shame, anger, guilt… will awaken in me all the moments when I could feel these feelings.

 

Being aware of these triggers is essential in order to be able to modify them little by little and adapt our reactions in a way that is more suitable for the here and now. But for that, we need the support of our loved ones and the help of society and professionals in general!

 

First, because we are not always aware of our "switches".

My sister helps me a lot to become aware of it and to broaden my vision of things when I "switched". She dialogues with the part of me that has reactivated, she listens to him with kindness then gently, she reminds him of my current situation (I am an adult, I have children, I have an apartment, a job ...). It helps me to step back and analyze the situation, to broaden my truncated vision ... It helps me when my parties have wrong beliefs by showing me the inconsistencies they have with my situation in the here and now (my executioners can kill me, I will be punished ...). Thanks to this, I manage to stop the rise of anxiety and terror and I regain my calm.

 

Then, having a situation in the here and now, in our current life, stable and secure is paramount! Being helped financially contributes to our feeling of security, having a job where we feel good, a healthy and comfortable accommodation, not to worry and worry about our end of the month, how we will eat, how to stay. .. so that we will have less reactivation, we will also have more energy to treat us. We will not only be busy in our survival and security.

A judge who hears our word and protects us helps to change the belief that no one is there for us, that we are the only ones fighting. And on the contrary the threat of losing custody of our children is an excruciating trigger! Social services can help us or push us a little deeper ... But for that, all of society must be formed, and have the means to help us get up and rebuild ourselves!

 

The more positive experiences we have that will show us that we are not alone, that we are supported and helped, that we are no longer in danger, that human and social relationships can be beneficial, the better we will be!

 

So help us! Be there with us!