HOW TO SPOT?

I believe that what is most important is to be listening, to be kind and to be attentive to the words used and to the gestures and posture of the person opposite.

 

What I say there seems very stupid but unfortunately it is a fact! Very few people really listen to the person talking to them. In the morning, when we say "hello" to someone, do we look the person in the eye? And this famous banal question "how are you?" who poses it sincerely and attentively?

When we chat with a person and they talk to us about us, we are really attentive to what they say, to the words they use, to their gestures, to the emotions or non-emotions that they transmit to us ... ?

I believe that the biggest problem with the impunity of pedophile criminals comes from there!

 

We cannot listen and observe.

 

And added to that, we are growing up in a selfish society which does not want to be disturbed, to suffer, whether these certainties of a bisounours world are questioned or that its daily life is upset ...

Everything must be beautiful, well, perfect ... if something comes out of the nails: it does not exist, we do not see it, we do not hear it and our certainties and our vision of the world remain unchanged.

 

So we want friends but only if it's for drinking and having fun.

We have links with our family only if it doesn't bother us too much and if from the outside it helps us to spread an image of perfection.

At work we don't mix relationships and we don't want to become intimate or see or know anything intimate or personal.

And in our meetings in general everything stays on the surface and if it gets complicated "we don't know anything, we haven't seen anything, we don't remember, it doesn't concern us, it's not up to us to intervene "...

 

When I read comments like "why haven't they spoken before" in the press, it makes me angry!

 

There are so many signs that we are showing! Of course, a child who does not have the necessary vocabulary will not tell you "I was raped, I was tortured". He is very small, his vocabulary is limited and to this is added the fear, the threats of the aggressor and the psychic and physical shock of what he has just endured!

 

Around 2 years old, when my diaper was changed, I fell into a sudden appatite , I began to cry and cry silently (someone around me noted it at the time and remembered it recently).

 

We draw and we put in our drawings what we were made. Why do adults refuse to question us and make us speak? Mié Kohiyama found drawings pending his rape at 5 years on which the words "osecour" are written in red. It would have been enough to see them, really see them and ask her why she had written them ... I did it too.

 

Nightmares , waking up in tears in the middle of the night ... Instead of telling the child that those are just nightmares, going back to bed ... why not take this privileged time to reassure, put in trust and listen to your child? I had nightmares, I talked about dogs, I talked about spirals that take me away with spinning babies, my way of saying in my words the effects of the drugs I was given. My mother told the guru's wife about it and said it was my guilt for being alive while my sister was no longer ...

 

A child who has hyper sexualized behavior towards men, instead of berating her, why not ask her why she is doing this, what happened to her ...? Contrary to what the Freudian and Lacanian psychoanalysts convey, the child is not enticing. If he does this is one of the ways he has found to call for help.

A child who masturbates in public ...

A child who reproduces what was done to him on another child ...

 

Instead of moralizing, punishing, feeling guilty ... why don't adults ask the question why are you doing this? Why bring it back to "pee touch" or "doctor's game"? A child who reproduces what was done to him on another child is very serious because he makes a new victim but why do adults not see the cry for help behind this act?

 

Around 8 years old, the daughter of the gurus caressed my sex in a motorhome in front of an adult. She saw what was happening and did nothing except have a reproving look that made me react and push the hand of this little girl. Why did she not speak, question ...?

 

Then I tried around 10 years ago to say the rape I had just suffered under the threat of a knife. I told my father about it. He took me to see a doctor who examined me. This doctor did not speak to me, said nothing. He did not ask any questions.

Then my father spoke to the guru. I was summoned to face my father and the guru. I was a liar, a villain, the evil was in me ...

They took me to a chapel and laid hands on me, they called it "rest in the spirit", the holy spirit was supposed to come into me and wash me of the devil.

I was then taken to an abbey where a monk was to confess to me about my sins.

This monk has become another of my rapists.

 

I spoke to school friends. The sect has changed our place of life. We had to move every 5 years or less. No links, no secrets ...

 

I tried to speak to my grandmother, she rejected my secrets and said that she didn't want to hear anything. And the sect made me learn to be wary of my family from an early age. We only see them very rarely and they were demonized because they were not part of our "world". They were the bad and we were the good.

 

I tried to speak to one of my music teachers, he became one of my rapists.

I tried to run away with another boy from the sect, they discovered him and married me to the son of the gurus.

 

I tried to speak all my life but my speech was denied and most of the time the number of my rapists was increased .

 

I just talked about my explicit calls for help.

Now I'm going to tell you about the implicit message that I kept sending without anyone noticing.

 

By having a TDI, I cohabit with several of my parts, several personalities of me who come in turn to "take control" of my body and speak or act. I don't like the expression "take control" because it implies a kind of demonic possession.

 

In fact my parts, all my parts are present, see, hear and observe my environment constantly. When I need the skills of one of them, she comes to the "foreground" and acts according to her analyzes and her acquired experience.

 

In all the relationships of friendship or love that I have had, my parties have tested these relationships to see if the person opposite was trustworthy, if she really listened, if the snippets that I intermittently told the made her pay more attention if it shocked her, if she closed herself, if she understood gravity and measured it, if she was ready to help me ... if she was in judgment and guilt or on the contrary benevolence and support...

 

We TDIs, we regularly "drop " bombs . We can therefore tell in the middle of two bursts of laughter and jokes that we were raped. If the person opposite does not stop and says nothing, does not question, it is another person who is added to our long list of unsuccessful attempts.

 

We can tell the worst horrors of what we experienced without any visible emotion (a protection for us put in place for our survival, connecting emotions and sensations to memory and fact would kill us because we would relive the identical terror , the feeling of death of this moment) or laughing .

 

This is precisely ONE of the signs.

 

The less emotion we show, the more serious the trauma .

 

The more our posture is frozen, our breathing stops, our body does not move anymore ... these signs should alert you it means that we are talking about something serious. It's this mismatch, this weirdness of laughing when saying something excruciating, or saying it in a cold and distant tone as if it didn't concern us, that it had happened to someone else, showing no emotions that relate to the speech that should alert you .

 

Also observe our body .

 

When I said I was raped, my right hand would wrap around my neck and squeeze. This too is a sign. I have tried to speak all my life and to punish and silence me several times my rapists strangled me almost to death. My body reproduced what had been done to me, showed it to my interlocutors ...

 

Also watch out for the words spoken .

 

I said that the guru "took me to confession in his room". He raped me during these "confessions" ... One of the men I knew after leaving my husband asked me to shave my sex completely. I asked her in a little girl voice "we have the right to do that?". He asked me to become a little girl again and no longer be a woman with a hairiness to sex. I asked her if we had the right to rape a little girl ...

 

I also have a lot of blockages, regular anxiety attacks if I have to go outside for a walk. I was raped outside, raped in the forest ... Going out is a source of suffering for me because it awakens my traumatic memory.

 

I cannot play with my daughters, I systematically put myself in the background and I observe them because this word is associated with a rape "we are going to play a game that I made with my daughter Tritri". If I play with her it is as if I relive this rape and as if I made sure that they too undergo it.

 

I sleep with clay in my mouth, brushing my teeth is very painful for me because it awakens my memories of oral rape.

 

A person who suddenly panics, who is unable to perform ordinary tasks, who must stop actions in an emergency must put your ear to the chip .

 

A person who has addictive behaviors , drinks a lot, drugs, prostitutes himself or goes looking for guys on the street and puts himself in danger is a suffering person who uses the means he has found to no longer suffer and to disconnect from his traumatic past.

 

A person who tells you like a mantra that she had a perfect and happy childhood and who at the same time tells you that she has no memory of whole swathes of her past is certainly a person with traumatic amnesia.

 

A person who accumulates a history of violence, at work, as a couple. .. who seems lucid and understands the urgency to get out of it and leave these situations but who tirelessly returns to it as hooked by an invisible thread which prevents him from breaking this cycle is certainly a person with a traumatic past, a TDI and internal conflicts of survival and backup strategies.

 

Be attentive, observe, listen and ask questions !!!

 

Trust may take time to build up but be aware that you will save lives by doing this!