What are the dissociative symptoms?

Amnesia:

I have amnesias, on my past, my traumas. These amnesias come and go. Sometimes I know, sometimes I don't know, sometimes I just have bits and pieces, sometimes I have a lot of details ...

But I also have amnesias in my present. I can't remember what I did or said. This may be over a long period or for the previous minutes. These amnesias do not only concern my traumas but my life in general, even the "good" times.

A few days ago, I did a Skype session with my shrink, all of a sudden my computer shut down. I did not understand what was happening ... It was not until the next day that I understood when I saw my daughter using my computer, an alert message appeared saying that there was no more than 5% of battery ... I understood that during my session with my shrink I had switched on and that one of my parts had deleted the alert message so that I could plug in my computer and thus my session with my shrink was shortened ... I have no memory of having seen or deleted it, there is also an audible alert, I did not hear it ... A party opposed this session she had not accepted and made this session short ...

Sometimes I realize that I have this hole in my memory, that I am missing minutes or hours ... Sometimes I do not realize it, my mind completely obscures the inconsistencies that my daily life can have. At the start of my therapy, some of my parts were writing emails to my therapist and I had no recollection or awareness of it. I didn't realize that I had written an email and when I realized that it sometimes happened, I spent my time going to check my sent messages to see if things had been sent without my knowledge ...

In addition to this, you need to know more about it.

Depersonalization:

Some parts refuse and deny that I became a mom and have 2 daughters ("she just has to give up her daughters, her daughters are a burden, they are not mine, I am not their mother, I do not want it...).

Sometimes when one of my parts speaks, she can criticize another part of me by saying "she annoys me, I don't care what she's been through, I'm not a coward me, I'm not someone angry, I am calm and calm, it is not me, I have not lived that ... ".

Sometimes I feel like a woman, I want to please, to be beautiful and sometimes dressing like a guy pleases me and makes me feel strong and powerful. Sometimes I behave like a little girl, sometimes like a sulky or demanding teenager. I am no longer an adult.

In addition to this, you need to know more about it.

Derealization:

Sometimes I am lost, I have the feeling that I am floating and being out of my body, that I no longer really exist. Sometimes I focus on just one thing in my environment (someone is angry) and I can't see the context anymore (he is not mad at me, it's not my fault, I can and know how to defend and protect myself, I am an adult, I will not be punished, beaten, tortured, killed ...). My vision is then a little shrunk, I can no longer see my environment as it is, in its entirety. What is happening in my head or my body is more present than the reality around me.

In addition to this, you need to know more about it.

Loss of skills, knowledge:

Sometimes I can't help my daughters with their homework, I don't know anything about conjugation anymore, I can't speak English anymore, I can't count, I don't know my address, my age, I don't know more driving, filling out papers, spelling words, finding my way in space and time ...

Once, I went to see an occupational doctor, he was not listening to me, I was angry and frustrated… He asked me my date of birth, my age and that of my daughters, I been unable to tell him, I couldn't remember.

Intrusions:

I hear screaming, crying, screaming ... I hear criticisms, insults, demands, comments ... Sometimes my voices speak in "I", sometimes they qualify my actions by "you". I know that it is I who "speak" (think) but at the same time a distance is put, I refuse to recognize myself in these actions or thoughts. Sometimes the voices I hear are not mine but memories of dialogues I have heard. I recognize the voice (the person) who told them to me.

I have periods when my thoughts and feelings of emotions are the same (I am desperate and I feel pain in my body, I have a stomach ache I feel despair or anguish…), things are " coherent "but sometimes I can have thoughts that have nothing to do with how I feel in my body in terms of emotion, I can be fine, my thoughts are positive but I feel angst in my stomach. And this anxiety is intensifying because I do not understand why it is there. When I have a flashback, images of places from my past are superimposed on my present and I no longer discern past and present. I see places, people, I see scenes from my past as if they were unfolding and my present no longer exists.

In addition to this, you need to know more about it.