Yesterday was a pretty good day for me. So let's celebrate !!
When I say good enough it is because I did not have too many switches and that I did not have too many moments when I was overwhelmed by strong sensations and emotions so I take this opportunity to tell you about the books that I unearthed….
The very first, which I find wonderfully written, is: "The little girl on the ice floe" by Adelaide BON.
For those who have trouble hearing that violence exists in this world and that we can do it to children but who despite everything have the courage to make the effort to listen anyway (Thank you guys ! You are on the right track !!), this book is perfect!
Full of poetry, beautifully written… Adélaïde Bon calls the switches and the reliving of traumas "jellyfish". She transcribes very well what it is to live with a trauma and to have flashbacks.
In the same style, the book "La consolation" by Flavie Flament is easy to read.
3 other books:
- "Eleanor Oliphant is doing very well" by Gail Honeyman
- "An education" by Tara Westover
- "My absolute darling" by Gabriel Tallent
These three books were really fun for me to read as they "spoke" to several different groups of my parts. These three books describe what it is to live with dissociation without ever naming it. Reading them I had the impression that the writer was describing dialogues that I could hear in my head or things that I could experience.
"My absolute darling" and "an education" describe very well the grip and the tensions that I experienced when I decided to leave the cult. The fear of the unknown, the confrontation between "normal" society and the universe in which we are locked up with the madness of the aggressor and his conception of the world instilled into the smallest corner of our being. The fact that even after having left it, having fled, the aggressor is still "present" and continues to dictate his "law" in us. You can put yourself in the heroine's shoes and understand her internal battles between loyalty to the aggressor and safeguarding, lucidity… Succeeding in emancipating oneself, leaving a sect or a crazy family is an immense and titanic fight! I have been there and believe me it has not been easy every day! We are lost between two worlds, constantly torn inside. Reading them we perceive the omnipresent madness, the violence, the cowardice of those who should protect… We follow the path towards the freedom to think and to be, the gap with society ...
"Eleanor Oliphant is doing very well" was my breath of fresh air, I was bent over laughing from start to finish!
This book spoke a lot to my nerdy and funny parts. It is a critical vision of the habits and customs of the strange society to which one must adapt when breaking out of control. I heard the same kind of thoughts in my head.
Sometimes having parts present is really boring believe me! They invite themselves into my head and I have to deal with them but for some parts it can be very funny !! I like their acerbic look on this crazy world and sometimes I tell myself that the sect I come from is not so different in terms of madness and crazy stuff than the society in which we live ...
Afterwards for the bravest of you (Come on guys, you will get there !! We survived it well and we really lived it… So have confidence in yourself… It's going to be okay you can do it !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ) 3 other books :
- "Behind the grid" by Maud Julien
- "Silence, we kill children!" By Régina Louf
- "The pervert factory" by Sophie Chauveau
Well those are not in the lace… The traumas are described there unlike the other books which do not go into details. Read them ... It'll be okay! It's time to see society as it is, yes there are monsters and yes they do such horrible things that you want to run away…. and close your eyes ...
I understand. It's instinctive and visceral. But the real question you need to ask yourself is what kind of person do you want to be? Sure, after reading them, you will be sad, angry… But don't forget that we need you, we need people to hear and see us. And reading them will allow you to put into perspective what we have experienced (us survivors…). After reading them try to be curious about what you feel inside you, what it does to you… And you will be able to further understand why and how a brain can dissociate itself. You will have a small glimpse of it… You, reading it, you will be angry, in an enormous rage, then undoubtedly you will be very sad and desperate then you will try to forget, to minimize to obscure… This is what we do with dissociation… You will go through the same phases as us, the same battles on a smaller scale of course… Reading them will allow you to better understand what can cause a brain to dissociate. And as I am doing right now, you will learn to have a more holistic and true view of life and the world we live in. Like me, you will have to deal with a world that is not "all black or all white" ...
The last book I want to talk to you about is "The sum of my parts" by Olga Trujillo (unfortunately it is not translated into French…).
This book talks specifically about DID and describes how it is formed and how to cure it. It can be read by everyone. If reading the trauma description is unbearable for you, do not read the first 7 chapters. The following chapters discuss the treatment and how to cure an DID. He helped me a lot!
What was funny when I read it was that not all of my parts were present when I read it… Some of my parts (the little ones) don't speak English and don't understand it. Suddenly, the first 7 chapters were read by my control parties and only them. I could hear in my head that they were doing a very succinct summary in French to some of my adult parts. It took me several days to read these first chapters and when I got down to it, I heard a lot of protests and parts who moaned about not knowing what we were doing, not being included in the reading… Then when I read the following chapters (reading which was done in a few hours) which describe the healing process, there, I had simultaneous and immediate translation for all my parts (I heard the translation in French sentence by sentence, which was not the case when reading the first chapters). Whenever in the story the author spoke of the help she received, of her victories, of her well-being ... small parts came and cried (I had a pout on my face then, my lower lip was sticking out like a crying little girl does and tears flowed… or I would laugh, a cheerful and happy little girl's laugh). Fortunately I was all alone at home when reading it… If someone had seen me, I would have ended up with a straightjacket !!!
Go quotes to close this post:
"All my years had been there so that I could afford this privilege: to see and experience more truth than those given to me by my father, and to use those truths to build my own mind." An education of Tara Westover
"Continue to observe with such attention. Continue like this, to observe as if you don't know anything, to observe to understand what it is really about. Observe things to understand what they contain, honey, always , always." My absolute darling by Gabriel Tallent
Have a good day !
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