Little rant about things that I have experienced in the past ...
I've seen quite a few shrinks, and only one of them hasn't made any counter psychology shortcuts.
I have often been made remarks on the fact that I arrived too early for my appointments with my shrinks, I had the right to remarks such as "you know you are very early" or "you should come only for the time of your appointment, you cannot stay in the waiting room ". Some were giving me angry looks and insinuating that the fact that I came to the dates early showed that I was in an unhealthy bond, an addiction to the psychologist which was not good ...
Sometimes I find the logic of some shrinks completely absurd!
My appointments are usually made after my working hours, in a busy week as a mom and a solo woman. Often, my shrinks' offices asked me 30 minutes to 1 hour to walk or drive.
This time that I took for these dates was a time for me, for me, my only breathing time in the week that was for me and only for me.
In addition, the sessions were far from being a piece of fun, before entering the office sometimes I was very upset and often came out in tears. It took a lot of energy from me, but I knew deep down that I had to find someone to help me that I couldn't do it alone.
Arriving early allowed me to settle down after a busy day, to finally sit down and calm down, channel myself and listen to myself internally. This allowed me to ask myself and think about the essential points that I wanted to address in the session. Some shrinks would tell me to come home after work and then come back for the exact time of the appointment. They did not understand and did not try to understand that returning home was like staying at home for 10 minutes and then leaving without having been able to calm me down, without having been able to breathe, without having been able to think ...
In addition, not arriving late for the appointment is very important to me (I have a part which is very attentive to this and whose task it is). Arriving early made it possible not to have this stress. Would you manage to talk about the most intimate things inside of you while 5 minutes before you were running or getting upset because you couldn't find a parking space?
None of them noticed that after the session I was leaving, I did not go back to the waiting room ... Perhaps there, the question of dependence could have arisen ...
We are asked as a patient to volunteer in therapy, to come to all appointments, to pay astronomical sums not always reimbursed and this therapy asks us to be willing to dig into things that hurt us and us. upset.
But we do it because we have no choice, because without that we risk killing ourselves, hurting ourselves, because we suffer ... Why blame a patient for being there, for being a volunteer? and hang on? What does it matter if he's there 20 or 30 or 40 minutes early? Doesn't that show on the contrary that it is positive? That the patient takes his life in hand, that he invests in his therapy? Isn't that more positive than a patient who always comes running in, out of breath at the last minute? Or a patient who is always late?
Why turn this into a perverse link and into negative action?
Maybe my shrinks could have asked me how I was doing for my other appointments, I would then have told them that I hated to arrive late, that arriving late favors my switches, that I am then in panic.
That the simple fact of going out in the street promotes many switches and is very exhausting for me, that going to therapy favors the struggle and the phobia of dissociative parts and the phobia of traumatic memories and that it requires an enormous will of me to m 'get there!
I could have told them that sometimes I have internal struggles, that parties do not want to go to some of my appointments (psychotherapy or whatever), that sometimes I take a long time to find my way because that parties are fighting and that I no longer recognize the places, that I feel a lot of anguish and terror when I go to my appointments. Having time allows me to regain my calm, to reason internally, to listen to the parties who are afraid and refuse this meeting. When I can settle down, I have time to calm down inside. If I can't do it on my own, anger prevails and I am unable to concentrate on the points I wanted to address…
The rare times that I was late for my therapy or when I missed an appointment had a good explanation, internal struggles between parties who felt that the sessions with this shrink were not helping me and that he was destructive to me. And that's what made me realize it and keep looking until I found the right therapist.
Often, during the week, I did not have time to reflect on the previous session and it was during this short half hour that I finally took the time to analyze my week and take stock of my progress and my difficulties. . It was my decompression chamber.
Why blame the patient for his actions systematically?
If he does not come it is because he does not want to get better, if he comes too early it is because he is dependent… Why do we want to systematically put our actions and reactions in a box? Why not ask ourselves what do we need? Why are we doing this? Instead of criticizing and judging or forbidding?
I acted differently afterwards, I waited in my car or outside the office so I was no longer judged or criticized. But these shrinks added a sense of guilt and shame in me to something that was ultimately necessary and positive for me.
Talking about yourself to a stranger, revealing the most secret and intimate things that we carry, our wounds, requires great strength, great will and enormous courage!
So please let us find our own strategies that we need to foster this non-judgmental exchange. And if you have any doubts, ask us, ask us why we are doing this.
A patient who always arrives late, instead of making them feel guilty, try asking them what they need to be on time. A patient who forgets or misses appointments, instead of scolding him and telling him that he must pay for the missed sessions, ask him why he is prevented from coming, what scares him ... And find solutions together! And question yourself! If a patient misses the appointments maybe it is you who do not bring him what he needs ... Maybe you do not bring him a place and a sufficiently secure listening so that he can talk to you about him...
When a patient repeats actions, it is for a good reason and it is your job to help him understand why he is doing them and it will be a great positive step forward in therapy to understand them ...
The bond between a patient and a therapist must be based on an equal footing. You don't have to be on a throne above us. You have things to teach us, help to bring us, but we are the only ones who have the keys to make it work. The exchange between us must be equal, forcing us will not help us and the judgments cookie cut either!
Listen to us, be curious, help us regain confidence in ourselves, in our knowledge of ourselves and our ability to get out of it. Help us to renew the dialogue within us by remaining open, curious and listening.
Commentaires