I am thinking about writing and describing what it is to live with a DID on a daily basis in a more complete and complete way.
This site, and my posts so far are the result of a collaboration of many of my parties. Most of the time, what we want to write is discussed inside and then one of my adult parts takes on the role of writer and tries to transcribe what each of my parts wants to say. Most of the time it is an intellectual or a part mother teacher who does it. This is the role, the function of its parts. They know how to do it well and like to explain to others. They know how and like to speak in public. They know how to put themselves in the shoes of others, know how to explain in order to touch and make people understand. They also know that for the person opposite to listen you have to stay positive, speak well, smile, show that everything is fine ...
Recently more hiding and angry parties wrote some articles. When they do I am less satisfied and afraid that letting them write will put people off and do a disservice to the purpose of this site: to inform and explain.
All my life, my parts and I have been in hiding. I camouflaged my TDI so that no one could notice it. Maybe I was just seen as moody or indecisive ... Sometimes a little kid or shy ... Other times soupy and changeable ...
Having to go against my "survival instinct" is very difficult for me!
I have to find a way to show you the way of being and of thinking of my younger parts but for that I have to agree to show us all ...
It is extremely scary for us!
I'm afraid to let my little parts write articles full of spelling mistakes or silly childish thoughts. I'm afraid to let my angry or suffering parts show you the desperation and darkness that I am sometimes. Afraid of showing myself to be "less intelligent" or "less mature" than I am the adult woman.
Are you going to run away?
Are you going to laugh and say I'm crazy?
All of my parts have things to say and in order for you to truly understand what dissociation is I have to let them speak. If not, your vision will be wrong.
The TDI is no picnic, beautiful and full of blue flowers ...
TDI is daily battles, narrowed visions, suffering, crying and screaming, incomprehension, fears ... And that too I have to explain it to you.
I'm afraid of becoming vulnerable doing it, of being ridiculed or judged ...
What I have been living for two weeks deserves explanation, deserves that my parties can explain it and describe it here ... Because most of the time, my TDI is that!
A disturbed daily life. The dialogue broken inside. Fighting and general mistrust, whether internal or external.
I will try to give them the choice to write what they think or feel.
I ask for your indulgence and your benevolence because doing that makes me very very AFRAID!
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