Everything is going too fast. Much too fast!
I'm afraid.
If I am well in my apartment all the memories will come back. Everything is going to go too fast.
The better I am, the clearer and more precise everything becomes. But everything is mental, without emotions and feelings ...
I now KNOW the timeline. I DON'T WANT any images of the sensations of smells ...
I'm afraid.
AFRAID to feel seeing all of this all the details. ..
Even if it's done smoothly like you said with just sadness it scares me.
I'm afraid to feel this pain this excruciating despair these screams
I'm afraid.
I understood and many parts too that peace is possible. That being together is wonderful that it makes us so strong and strong. That love is stronger than anything. That feeling here and now feels good. A lot of parts like that and like to look through my eyes and see who I have become. Who they became and what they accomplished. Their strength, my strength, our strength and our intelligence.
We manage to let ourselves be consoled to reassure ourselves to collaborate ...
But to feel love and trust is beautiful it is positive it feels good.
To feel the horrors is torture.
I don't want to be tortured anymore.
We know that this is a must and many have confidence and know that after love and gentleness will be there.
Tears will be able to flow, cries will scream, the unspeakable secret will be able to be shouted and will no longer eat us from the inside.
We know that the parts which analyzed the behavior of Jacques and Christine did it to save us, they are in fact the strongest and the most intelligent. The most benevolent. They understood how monsters work and they let me know how they think and therefore have a head start. To be smarter and save us. Each had its role and saved our lives.
Explain me.
Will I feel all the pain all the horror of rape feel my body shake? Feel his cock enter my ass? Feel the ropes on my wrists? Feel his breath the taste of his cum? Hear his gasps just before he cums?
How will I be protected when it comes back?
Will I see some kind of cloudy movie?
Will I feel everything: her weight her smell her cock penetrating me?
I don't want all of this!
But I know this is my healing path.
Help me so that I welcome him in calm and peace.
Tell your trainers
They call them "mimic aggressor parts" but that's FALSE !!
They are "aggressor behavior analyzers" not imitators!
They study them to be one step ahead of them and to save !!! To anticipate what they are going to do or say and prepare the troops to take the shock.
The word "impersonator" is a horrible degrading lie!
It brings guilt and mistrust as if we too have an aggressor in us. Or as if something of the aggressor had stuck in us. As if the abuser would always be part of us had entered our head never to come out. As if our minds had merged.
But this is not the case!!
It's just strong and intelligent parts who want to understand the incomprehensible in order to help, save ...
Who are like an analyzer, an anthropologist. ..who studies predicted analysis. ..
We think that the word imitator can only be applied if we help each other switch and disconnect by reproducing and committing the same crimes as the aggressor
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