For quite some time, relatives and my psychiatrists told me that I was surely high intellectual potential (HIP). I needed to be fixed and to know what was going on objectively.
So I took an IQ test with a specialist psychologist.
This test in itself is not so important. It turns out that I am indeed high IQ. What is interesting, on the other hand, is that it gives me clues to understanding myself and how I work, what are my strengths and my weaknesses... It also helps me in the sense that it is a piece of more that sheds light on what I have experienced, one more "diagnosis" that confirms my experience.
I have a very high verbal comprehension ability, a fairly good perceptual reasoning and a very high processing speed. Which explains my ability to mentalize, verbalize and express myself about what I live and my psychiatric disorders...
On the other hand, I have a very low working memory. Which explains and also shows my traumas experienced... Due to my complex post-traumatic stress disorder, and my dissociative identity disorder, I have great problems memorizing information persistently and being able to find them and mobilize them.
This also clearly shows the concrete consequences of the traumas that I have experienced, the difficulty that I may experience at work or in my everyday life or that I may have experienced in my schooling and therefore the loss of opportunity for me at final!!! I haven't been able to do a major education, and I have a fairly basic and "bottom of the ladder" job. This is in no way pejorative for me or synonymous with "lack of intelligence"! It's just that I see concretely written in black and white another facet of what I fight against every day... My memory difficulties, my amnesia, my problems handling numbers... and the way I tries to overcome all this... the energy I expend to "deal with"...
This test is one more little piece that helps me understand myself and how I work... And in a way it consoles me and "fixes" me internally to know it. To know that I am intelligent. It fixes all those times when I was called a dumbass or a moron because I lost my way when I was reactivated by a traumatic memory, all those times when I "lost my skills" and no longer had access to knowledge that I knew how to master... My chaotic school career... And at the same time this capacity for self-analysis, reflection that sometimes I manage to mobilize, my very quick ability to bounce back, adapt. .. It makes sense...
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