I am modifying and correcting the post I made on May 28, 2020 regarding the recommendation of this book.
It took me a long time to clear up my feelings about reading it and understand what was playing inside me. I leave you my original post in conclusion so that you can see the lag there may be in my analysis of this book.
Reading it several things were strange but I refused to pay attention:
I had a lot more trouble understanding English and a lot of vocabulary words were unfamiliar to me.
I read passages, I heard the reactions and critical analyzes of other parts but I refused to listen to them. I had blinders on and I only remembered part of my reading and the rest seemed absent and non-existent.
I think the parts that read this book are parts that are looking for a savior, who are looking for a "perfect" mom. From reading it all I remembered was that a mother had been able to see her son, had been able to help him, support him and save him. And I refused to see and hear the rest. Everything was seen as "magical", wonderful, idyllic ...
I felt a lot of conflict inside, I heard adult parties challenge their conclusions and their enthusiasm, I felt anger inside, exasperation but I pushed them back and pretended they didn't exist .
As I couldn't come to an agreement, I asked my shrink to read it and tell me what she thought about it. She did so and then we discussed it in session. It has helped me to have another outside person who opens the dialogue and shows the pitfalls and blinders in the reasoning of my parties. The discussion has been reestablished between my parts and although seeing this whole story is difficult and painful, I feel better, more whole now.
This boy has been abused to the utmost! And this story shows the horror of what a dissociated person can go through when they are mistreated by society and institutions.
True, her adoptive mother tried to help her and tried to understand, but her adoptive parents were also very abusive!
He was hospitalized numerous times, put in isolation for weeks, was almost killed when given a chemical straitjacket. His adoptive parents continued to put him in these hospitals even though he almost died there.
While reading, I only saw and wanted to see one thing, he had a hospital, a "safe place" where he could go to be safe and I told my sister at the time that I was sad. and angry that I don't have an identical place near my home. The failings of this hospital, the serious mistakes they made did not exist. I refused to hear them.
The shrink who followed him was clearly not trained in trauma management and "opened Pandora's box" and then left him to face it alone when his amnesia dissipated. This book actually shows what you should NOT do with a dissociated person as a shrink. He had no support to return to the here and now and was completely overwhelmed and invaded to the point that his daily life was in grave danger. His small dissociative parts invaded his daily life and he had no help to reassure and guide them. His follow-up was not regular and only his diagnosis of DID was made.
This book is very upsetting and painful!
In reading it I only wanted to see one thing, the fact that a mother can see the dissociation of her child and can believe it, can protect him and can help him. What some of my parts have long hoped for from the adults around me: to find a savior or a savior.
Now that my parties and I have been able to discuss it, console the disillusionment of the parties in search of a savior, understand each other and explain themselves ... I have withdrawn this book from the recommendations to read.
I can feel a lot of sadness, hopelessness and still a little bit of anger inside of me.
Sometimes it is easier for me to dream and hope in a world where things are easier, where everything is all black or all white, where the people who love us are "perfect" and without flaws and make no mistakes. Some of my parts are still hoping to find the perfect book, the example testimony that shows that everything I have been through can be avoided. The testimony that will give the "step by step" to apply to protect, detect and save.
By discovering this book, I wanted to see only that, to see us and to save us is possible, everything is simple and crystal clear and even the most mouthful of people can understand it.
I sometimes forget that each dissociated person is unique and the way to help them will be unique too. Something can work with one person and fail with another. My own dissociation is complex and with my shrink we grope, we try to understand the logic of my different parts, their modes of operation, their goals, their reasons for existing ... And there may still be times when I no longer understand anything, when everything is obscure , where I no longer understand myself and where the dialogue is broken ...
I also very much hope to find a testimony where the care of the dissociated person was "perfect". I forget and I refuse to see our world, our society as it is with fortunately beautiful people (but who are rare!), And also and above all filled with idiots and ignorant and mistreating people ...
05/28/2020
I found a new book that talks about a TDI.
"The Magic Castle" by Carole Smith.
It is a book in English (unfortunately!) Which is an autobiography of an adoptive mother which tells the road of reconstruction that she lived with her adopted son.
This book is magnificent! It shows how one person can change everything in the journey of a traumatized person. It shows that healthy mothers, healthy people exist.
This incredible woman will instinctively sense what her son is experiencing and life and will tirelessly seek to understand and help him.
It also highlights how dissociative disorder is seen when one is a child, how much the general population and social services refuse to dig, refuse to understand the most flagrant and obvious signs of abuse and at what point point we victims are abandoned.
Reading it awakens in me a lot of anger towards my mother and the adults around me who have watched me grow up. A little jealousy also for this lucky boy who now has a family in the truest sense of the word and who was lucky enough to be surrounded and helped to cope in his adolescence with the traumas he experienced in his childhood. His life was not wasted, he wasted little time. Now a young adult, he is free from all this ...
This woman without knowing anything about TDI instinctively understood her changes in personality and knew how to accompany her with love and kindness. She created a barrier, she was his protector. How many of us have hoped so much to someday meet a person like this?
How many times have I dreamed, prayed, begged for someone to come and save me, for someone to hear me…?
This book gives the keys to dissect and understand the signs that we show when we are children or young adolescents and I think that all the people in contact with children (social services, shrink, school…) should read it!
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