Night very interrupted ... My intellectual parties woke me up many times to tell me their ideas and their texts to write on this site, they were followed by a cohort of parties who scolded them "shit it's time to sleep ”, parties fighting against this site and being afraid that we are putting ourselves in danger, parties refusing to participate ...
Wake up 5 a.m. A big mess in my head. A lot of parties don't want to go to work today and all have different reasons:
- "Working is boring, we want to have fun and go for a walk"
- "We haven't slept enough we're tired it's your fault, it's all about you, I hate you!"
- "On the site you have to start writing articles!" Maybe today we can? This is the most important site! The job, we don't care! "
- "Yeah… .." One who cries…
I have lunch and to calm the hubbub in my head I start reading a book. 7.45 a.m. It's time to go to work. Lots of protests and cries, tears….
I arrive at work and go see my boss. I ask him what to do today. He is angry. It shows in his body language and in the tone of his voice and in his eyes. He replies: “I don't know! I dunno ! Really it's not possible to work in these conditions! "And he leaves without answering my question ...
I walk into the workshop, some of my colleagues are busy, I join them and when in doubt put myself to do the same task as them while waiting for the boss to make up his mind.
The minute before, when I went to talk to my boss, inside it was the explosion… Parts of it are afraid seeing his anger and I can feel the anguish hugging my stomach. Parts very quickly think about what is best to scare off, to fight, to scream, to stand still ...? Finally, it's a small part that takes over and asks the boss the question. I become a shy, embarrassed little girl with a soft little voice that apologizes for existing ...
At my workstation, once seated and doing my repetitive task, another explosion:
- "But what a dirty asshole!" Is he the boss I'm supposed to figure out for myself what to do? But what an asshole! "
- "We should take advantage and yell at him and get out once and for all!" "
-" He is bad ! I'm pissed off! I'm not a jerk me! I'm sick of doing this job! "
- "I Veeeeuuuuuxxxx ppaaaaaasssss traavvvvaaaiilllleeeerrrrrrrr yeah! "
- "Work sucks, it sucks, we get nowhere! We are doomed ! Everything is screwed up! »… Despair….
Try to work when you live in a 10m2 apartment with a summer camp, the parents of kids, teenagers who feel bad about themselves, a nun, a priest, crying babies, pouting…. And imagine that you hear all these people speaking either in turn or all at the same time, trying to scream louder than the others to be heard ... and to also feel in your body the feelings in turn of what each one or each of them feels….
You will have a very small glimpse of the majority of my daily life ...
I work. An intellectual part dictates me a text to write on the website. A small part starts to cry, louder and louder. The nerd part speaks louder and louder to cover up the crying. Other teen parties start bitching and saying that they are fed up and want to quit work and stop talking to other parties, angry parties get angry and yell at everyone, small parties cry about stronger and stronger, some are very afraid and feel guilty (I feel in my body the physical symptoms of anger, fear, guilt, despair for a few fractions of seconds in a loop ... I am sad then angry then I I'm afraid, then I feel bad….) then parts send me like a feeling of being crushed, exhausted, without strength… despair… then everything starts again…
Imagine that you live this permanently .... in every second of your life ... and add to this complete interior mess, the exterior atmosphere at work, I am in a workshop with workers who speak in a language other than French, a workshop with machines which make a thunderous noise and with chemicals next to it… You will have an idea of what I am going through….
In the middle of the morning we found a strategy: take my phone and put the music to full blast with my headphones. The voices ended up being silent.
In the middle of the afternoon a colleague is sick, he has vomited, he leaves work. New indoor protest concert ... "Pretend to throw up so we can come home and go to bed" "Come on let's go, this job sucks! »« I don't want to work Yeah yeah yeah…. "There you go ... here we go again!
5 p.m. End of work. One part sings loudly in my head the song "Libitée delivered ..."
Welcome to my world !
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