Here are the two autobiographical books written by Amoreena Winkler.
She took part in the show "Mille et une vies" of which here is the video :
I read his book "Purulence" this week.
She tells about her childhood in the sect "Children of God, the international family". This first book retraces his life course from his birth to his twelve years. I suppose that the book "Daughter of the flesh" is the continuation of it with the story of her awareness and her journey to flee from this sect at the age of 17 ... It is unfortunately exhausted and I did not have it. not read.
A link to learn more about this sect:
His book made me feel like a cold shower!
Reading the first chapters moved me a lot! She was raped at the age of 4 and she describes very well in her book the perversion and the incestual model omnipresent in her upbringing. She talks a lot about masturbations, sexual desires ... and it's very disturbing! You feel dirty reading its first pages. We feel dirty, perverted ... She describes very well this contamination of the mind of the child by the perverse desire of the pedophile. We almost have the impression that the beginning of this book is a book for pedophile so the description is raw and abject! She describes very well the mismatched sexual arousal and how the body makes sure to lubricate itself and release tension to save itself and not be too damaged by rape.
Fortunately, there is this "snag" of her age that she recalls from time to time over the pages ... "I was 4 years old, I was 5 years old ..."
His book allows us to understand how a mind is unable to understand the violence of the traumas it undergoes.
She tells in a cold and detached way the daily violence, the orgy to which children and adults indulge, the omnipresent incestuous climate ... The mechanics of secrecy and control ... She tells of the abandonment of institutions that despite the obvious signs she was showing never did anything ... She simply tells how a mind can have to divide, to fragment itself to survive in the face of inconsistencies ... How a child can be made to detach itself from its body (depersonalization) or its environment (derealization) to survive. How a child will divide into "dissociative parts" to adapt to her violent and traumatic environment although she does not name it so explicitly. Some parts that comply with violent demands of adults, some parts that test and rebel, some parts that observe and analyze, some parts that make escape plans, some parts that play a role and find possible ways to survive the rape ....
In this book she does not talk about dissociative amnesia. I don't know if Amoreena Winkler had any. I don't know if she has dissociative identity disorder like me. She doesn't talk about it in her book.
But reading it, I felt like I heard myself. To hear my own thoughts, my own analyzes of my daily life. I had the impression over the pages to see described my own "division", "fragmentation" of my identity over the course of his life story. And that gave me a real shock! The unreal effect of reading my own words, my own thoughts written in a book about someone other than me ...
Our story is not quite the same but some things are similar ...
She, in the "family" sect, sexual "ceremonies" were generalized to all members. I was more an "elite", some members who participated without everyone knowing.
She, the violence, the beatings were generalized and daily. It was one of the precepts of the sect and was applied by men to women and children.
Me, physical violence was reserved for this "elite" and was done in a hidden way. Psychological violence for me was on the other hand daily and omnipresent. My father was violent but not to the same degree as Amoreena's stepfather. And I had a loving, gentle mother unlike her.
I find in his story the same words and ceremonies that I experienced. They practiced "song in a tongue", "rest in the spirit", "exorcism", proselytism (recruiting followers) like the sect in which I grew up. The inconsistencies between dogmas and precepts shown on the outside and what was actually happening inside are the same. I find my own questions in the face of these inconsistencies that she enumerates.
And another weird similarity is when the children's group "orgy" stopped. For me, it also coincides with the same period as her. I tried to find out what triggered this fear and made it stop around the same time in several pedophile sectarian movements but so far I can't find it. What is strange is to hear the same fear of the leaders, the same mechanism which makes them modify their practices for fear of being caught in the act.
For me, that hasn't changed much. The rapes continued thereafter but I was the only minor victim unlike when I was little where it was practiced in groups, several adults and several toddlers (from my 2 years and 2 months to my 8-9 years).
Like her, I was taken from my parents' custody for "reformatting". As I was about to crack and reveal everything, I was put elsewhere, in the guru's house far from my parents, where he may have continued to rape me on a daily basis.
The sectarian mechanics are the same. The hold is the same. We have in common, a lot of things, a lot of experiences. The only difference between us is the more "secret" aspect of the rapes for me and a little "less" degree of physical violence.
His book was published in 2009. But what are governments doing? What is the company doing?
How many victims will have to speak out publicly so that real action is finally taken to protect children?