Hello !
In the next few days, I will try to write you some tips here to promote trust, freedom of speech and better being in your relationship with a dissociated person.
What I write here is only my opinion and my own feelings about what I have experienced. I will try to put together what worked for me or what I would have liked to have been done for me. Take what I write as advice, not orders! Feel free to take or reject what doesn't suit you!
I think that the most important when trying to help and support a dissociated person is to listen to himself, to listen to him and to dialogue to find together what will make him feel better!
I will give you a lot of information in the next few days, maybe it will scare you. Take the time to think about it, assimilate it, digest it ...
I do not especially want to scare you and that you behave like a stuck "robot" who apprehends his every move, words !!!
The most important and the most wonderful thing for us is that you are there, present by our side! Even if you make mistakes, even if there are misunderstandings, it's okay!
You give us the best gift, the best proof of love and friendship by staying by our side and supporting us!
Dialogue and seek to understand and understand each other is the most important!
Whether you are close to a dissociated person who has experienced trauma or a professional who will hear their word, here are some important points that can help you and help us:
Be aware of your inner feelings:
When we try to talk to you (whether at a doctor's appointment, shrink, or with friends / family), be alert to how you are feeling inside.
If you are embarrassed, if you are afraid, if you are apprehensive to hear us, you will unwittingly have external reactions which will show it to us.
You can sit back in your chair and cross your arms or legs, the pupil of your eyes will retract and your gaze will change, harden or your pupil will dilate in fear, you will turn pale or your cheekbones will blush. , you will escape our gaze or turn and no longer align your body in our direction. The timbre of your voice will change, your voice will become cold and brittle or quivering or full of fury and anger… Your lips will pinch and close. You're going to move your body like you can't sit still and send us the message you want to run away from, start tapping on a piece of furniture like you're trying to cover our voice, constantly cutting us off with a rushed voice like if you wanted to quickly put an end to the discussion ...
Whether we like it or not, what we think and feel on the inside is seen on the outside! Always keep it in mind!
So if you want to help us, hear us, be there for us, don't run away from your inner feelings! If you are feeling this, it is for good reason. Be curious and try to understand why you are afraid, why you feel anger, embarrassment, shame, uneasiness ... And clarify your feelings.
Dissociated people have learned to observe their environment and are hypervigilant. All these micro expressions are going to be analyzed, shelled in a fraction of a second and we are going to deduce that you do not want to hear us, that we are doing something wrong, that we are in danger if we speak, that we have to be silent. ..
When we speak to you try to put your body in front of us, do not cross your limbs, relax your face, look us in the eyes and listen to us.
If there are silences, do not fill them, silence is not frightening, it allows you to integrate what is said, to take a break, to breathe ... A simple look full of friendship and compassion is often louder than a spoken word.
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