Looking at how far we have come, I am impressed to see how we listen to each other now, we trust each other, we believe each other. I think that's really the point of therapy, that's healing for me.
As the therapy progressed, we learned to believe in ourselves. To believe that each party has a good reason to react the way they do. We have learned to listen to each of the opinions and to find a happy medium, a compromise. We are no longer fighting, we are no longer at war. We are one. We should jump for joy. We should cry for joy. We should celebrate.
We are no longer alone. None of my parts are alone anymore. Some of us have merged. Some are gathered now. We should have celebrated that.
We are no longer afraid. We understood that our torturers lied to us. We are no longer afraid. We should celebrate and be happy about it.
But it screams inside. It screams urgently to say, it screams in pain. It screams the need to change, to make people understand. Not out of pride to be "the" one who will speak. No. But because inside "little cages", "the beast" and all the others scream and tell of the sufferings, the tortures they have undergone. I hear their crying, I feel their pain. A cry too long contained, you, denied that finally has the right to express itself. It is a vital necessity.
But in recent weeks therapy has become complicated. My parts feel like my shrink can't hear them anymore.
My dissociative parties need a shrink who helps them to sustain and solidify our understanding between the parties. In the last few weeks of therapy sessions I come away with more and more doubts with the impression that my needs are denied and that the different points of view of my parties are not taken into account, their roles forgotten.
Since the start of my care, I have experienced the importance of choice, freedom and control for a DID: each part has a specific role and is important within the system.
For almost two months we have not changed our minds, we do not fight internally, we agree together.
Since the start of my care, I have experienced the importance of working with people worthy of trust, in order to be able to have positive experiences of attachment links. To teach my parties that other relationships are possible.
I wonder a lot about what will happen next. What a difficult path to get by with a DID!
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