The brain is mistaken, the body is deceitful. Who should I trust? Who am I to believe?
To whom do I trust my survival? What will save me?
The brain thinks: there are attacks, it's dangerous, people are dying assassinated ... The disease is there, it has killed, it kills ... We are locked up, kidnapped, tied up ... has more freedom, everything is controlled, the world is full of dangers. The body reacts, it worries, the heart beats faster, the stomach knots, the throat tightens, we can no longer breathe ... It is afraid, outside, inside, around everything is only death and danger .
The brain feels the fear of the body. He reacts. He looks in the drawers. Have we ever experienced this? What must we do? How should I react?
Doors open inside. The heads appear, the bodies come out of the rooms.
All of them rush to the rescue. I know, I have already experienced fear. No I know, I know! No me !
It jostles at the door of the eyes and ears. It builds up, it grows. Everyone wants to take control of the body.
I know better than you! We must flee! Run, run !!!
No, she is wrong! You have to fight, slice in the bacon, punch, punch, scream rage and anger!
No! Especially not ! They would kill us! We must not move, play dead and wait. This is the only way we will survive! Sleep! Stop moving, stop breathing, stop eating. The world around does not exist. Nothing exists. Forget it. You are nothing, you don't feel anything. You don't exist!
It's bickering in the head. Everyone is screaming, everyone is screaming. There is so much noise that it is unbearable.
One after the other, they are in front.
I am Leaked. Quickly ! Gather things, find where to go and hide. Put on good shoes. Reality blurs. I'm home, but I'm not. I am in the forest. The priest is on me. I want to run away. His hands like sharp talons slashed my shoulders. To flee, one must flee. No ! I'm in the big corridors, quickly you have to hide or he will take me away, I should get naked. It will start again!
I am angry. Rage invades me, a long howl escapes my lips. He's on top of me in the confession room. I struggle. I hit and insult "soft ball". He is laughing. He ties me up. I am not strong enough! Tears of rage and helplessness.
I am dead. Morte feels nothing. Morte sees nothing. Morte hears nothing. Morte is no longer there. Morte is like anesthetized. Morte is in arms, we carry her and put her in the trunk of a car. Morte is in the grass. Above her there is someone but dead feels nothing. For dead, the body does not exist, all around when the eyes look, everything is blurry. Morte hears only the buzzing of bees. Morte hears nothing and does not understand what is said to her. Morte is a rag doll, dead has no bones, no muscle. Dead is sleeping. Morte can just sleep and feel nothing. Morte always tells herself that if she doesn't move, he will understand, he will stop. Morte always tells herself that if she sleeps, it will pass faster. Morte always tells herself that if she pretends to be dead, maybe everything will stop at last, her heart too, her lungs too. It will finally be delivered. That's what Morte wants. To think nothing more, to live, to hope, to wait. Morte is waiting for death.
But the body refuses. The others refuse. NO !!!
Past, reality, present ... Everything is blurry. Inconstant. We no longer know.
Who to believe? Who to listen to? What to do ?
It's crying inside. It screams inside.
We are in danger! We are alone! We have to find someone! Someone who saves us, someone who protects us. If we're nice, he'll protect us. Find someone fast !!!
Sister ? She works. She cannot listen, reassure, console.
The shrink? Today we do not see it. His office is closed.
The mother ? We tried, but she does not yet know how to listen to others, respond to them. She, too, is worried. You must not scare her, she would be overwhelmed.
The boss ? Today he is busy, he has to deal with lots of other people. He said do the best, I'll let you manage.
The friend ? He works. He can hug, kiss tonight, but not now.
What is left?
Inside? Trust? Listen? Temper? Partition? Lock up? Forget? Comfort? Cuddle?
I do not want ! They don't want to!
Listen !!!
It's finish ! We are no longer a helpless little girl!
No one is going to rape us, tie us up, hit us, torture us!
This is not the same ! Look ! Listen ! Observe!
We are safe! It's not perfect, but we are!
You need to change ! You must change your roles! You must cooperate!
You have suffered. I know it. We know it.
You will share, you will tell. You no longer need to be silent. You are no longer alone. We're an army. We are a team. You are my troop, my team.
What you lived is past. What you have been through is over.
Today, together, we will go to work. We will stop the fear, the terror, the pain.
Now that's enough! We're going to take one step at a time. We're going to do it one minute after another.
It will be fine !
We're an adult. We survived. It's finish. We are strong. We're safe. Everything will be alright. It's over.
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